Eat the cake.

"The ties that bind us are stronger than the occasional stresses that separate us." - Colin Powell

Sometimes when you are faced with the unthinkable, when you are staring down a life changing event that happened so quickly, you didn't have time to process it; you are left looking at a person through a different lens.  The surreal feeling of talking and laughing with someone on a phone call, only to find out you may never hear their voice again the following day.   It haunts you in a way I truly cannot describe until you've lived it.  I am not talking about a terminal illness and I don't mean to diminish the grief associated with those diagnosis'.  I've walked that path too, my step dad suffered many months and we watched him disappear before our very eyes.  But that type of event, you see it coming.  It doesn't make it okay but it gives you a chance to begin to comprehend.  But when life is snatched away from you suddenly, when you have no way to see the train coming, it's another thing entirely.  We do not know what life holds in store for us.  We do not know when our time on Earth is through, and truly when someone tells you not to take loved ones for granted you should listen, because in a moment and without warning it can all be taken from you.  I don't say those words to scare you or guilt you, I believe in God and I believe His grace alone can save you.  You should not be afraid of death.  I say those words so you don't take the life on this Earth leisurely.  Our time is limited and precious here and sometimes we will stay here much longer than those we love and care for and if that's to be the case, these moments here on this Earth count.

Over the past four weeks my family's world has been turned on it's head.  There have been a few days where I wasn't sure if I was right side up or upside down.  I'm a methodical person, logical at times to a fault.  I like to have the facts, I like to know the odds and I like to work and work at a problem until I out pace it and fix it.  Driven, persistent, and high energy; that's me.  I can run myself full throttle and as long as I know there will be a means to the end, it won't bother me.  The trouble is, I've learned that wears out my family and takes a tremendous toll on my relationships.  But I digress. To say that I had days over the past few weeks where I didn't know what direction I was headed scares the daylights out of me.  I just don't have days like that.  I like fast paced everything, it keeps me from getting bored. But I've had those days recently, where a week spilled over into the next and I wasn't sure how I managed to stay a float.  Yet here I am, still hanging on for the ride.

In all of this, I've thought a lot about the 'tie that binds." I've watched in pure amazement a community of friends and family come together for my mother.  People I have known that have always been there for us, but that I do not see regularly; they have come and helped us in ways that represent true generosity and love.  Volunteering their time to spend a day with my mom.  Taking vacation from work to be there and paying for their hotel rooms to stay an extra day or two.  Folks helping out my brother with his farm operations because they knew he needed to be with his mother.  Others sending cards full of strong messages of faith and healing and still others sending food and offering their homes as a place to stay.  The "tie that binds" runs deep in our relationships with others and this is a very clear example of that.  

I was visiting with my grandma the other night.  You might think I mean my mother's mom, but I don't.  My parents divorced when I was in my teens and my mother's relationship with her mother in law remained even after the divorce.  Another binding tie, despite the differences of life.  She called for an update.  My grandma doesn't have social media and her phone is sketchy at times, so her updates come in weeks at a time. Big changes seem very big when you get a weekly update.  As we talked, I could hear the trembling in my elderly grandmothers voice, so over come with joy that my mom could smile now. Grandma shared with me that my mom had made her a carrot cake for her birthday on September 20; four days before the explosion.  My grandma had eaten part of the cake and shared it with her table for coffee one morning but she had about half of it left and she had placed it in the freezer for another time.  She shared she had been opening the freezer and looking at the cake everyday for the last nearly 4 weeks.  But she couldn't bring herself to eat the cake, she just looked at it as the one remaining piece she had of my mother.  I could tell by the tone of her voice, she thought it trivial that she was hanging on to a frozen carrot cake.  After all, this was the woman that made me chop off the head of a snake with a garden hoe once, because "you need to know how to kill a snake when a gun isn't handy."  As she told me the story she said, "I know it's silly, I do.  But I just did not want to lose my last tie to your mom if it meant she'd never be able to bake again or spend time with me again.  But now, I think this good news means it's time for me to eat the cake."  I smiled over the phone, tears welling in the back of my eyes.  I was over come with the simplicity of it all.  Half a frozen carrot cake represented it all.  Years of family dynamics, love, hate, friendships and foes and it all came down to a damned piece of cake.  But how true is that?  We like to muddle up life with worry, fear, frustration, jealousy and anger.  We let those things pull us away from the simple fact: we are all connected and our relationships with our fellow humans, our family and our friends can all come down to a frozen piece of carrot cake that was made with love and in celebration of a special day.  Each life we touch, each relationship we create, each moment we choose to make a difference - those are the ties that bind.  And no matter what life throws our way, we will always be connected.