A mistake.

I have some Earth shattering news.  You may want to sit down for this one, grab a cup of coffee, a cool glass of water and maybe even some popcorn.  Because this is big stuff.  Here it goes: We all make mistakes.  

I was just talking to my husband about this the other day.  That we've somehow found ourselves in a place and time that absolutely does not allow for a misstep.  No second chances.  No redo.  Perfection all the time.  It scares the bejeebies out of me, both for my own sake and my children's sake.  Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want you to think that I'm onto something radical here, but this is the truth -- we all make mistakes.  We make a lot of them.  

Ah, yes, you say.  Yes, I make mistakes.  I yell at my kids when they don't deserve it.  I get irritated with my spouse, when I know they are trying their best (and they are sleep deprived because it's calving season).  I am not always kind to others, I know I've been a gossip.  Those are the easy mistakes to talk about.  The emotional baggage mistakes we all make.  But I'm not talking about those (but please make note now, we all do make those mistakes).  I am talking about the honest to goodness mistakes in life.  Like the time you were outside, shooting your BB gun and you thought you were aiming at a bird on a limb, when in fact you were aiming at your mother's van sliding door window and you pulled the trigger.  And the van window blew out like you were shooting out high rise windows in a Die Hard movie.  Yes, those kind of mistakes.  Physical mistakes.  Mistakes that change the physical state of life or hurt people.  We have come to the point in the world that we demand a mistake is never made and it's frightening and unrealistic. 

Mistakes are part of being human.  In a moment, one wrong calculation can change an outcome to something not at all intended.  Perhaps it's at the tire shop and your tires don't get balanced correctly, and you end up with a blow out.  Maybe it's your Amazon order, and it didn't get filled with what you actually ordered.  Or it's the post office, and they delivered your neighbors package to you. These mistakes are frustrating, they change the physical world for us.  What about mistakes that actually could hurt us?  Mistakes in health care, with a driver on the road or an airline.  Ah yes, those mistakes are something we absolutely cannot tolerate.  We must make sure that we yell and scream and hurt with words the people that make these mistakes.  You must expect perfection in decision making for all drivers, doctors, nurses, and other service industry workers.  If we pay for it, we better get the promised outcome!  The same goes for teachers too.  They cannot be allowed to make a mistake in teaching our children.  One and done rule for them all! 

Here's the trouble with our logic.  The world cannot be perfect.  People make mistakes, it's part of being a human.  To expect perfection from professionals is to set ourselves up for great disappointment.  To expect our children to never make a mistake is silly.  I have to remind myself of this often, to practice forgiveness and patience.  I want perfection, particularly in my work.  It's something I have struggled with my whole life, I don't like mistakes and miscalculations.  The older I've gotten and the busier I've become, it feels like, at times, I've become even less patient.  Mistakes derail the process, they slow down the progress, they keep me from getting the job done! But they happen.  

Accountability - now there is something we might be able to agree on. Accountability for your actions, taking ownership of the mistake; that is what we need to expect.  But anticipating that no matter what, every encounter we have will always be perfect is not acceptable.  Stop demanding perfection.  We have to stop loosing our minds every time something doesn't go our way or happen like we think it should.  As much as we practice accountability we must also practice forgiveness. We aren't talking about gross neglect here folks, we are talking about mistakes that happen unintentionally...I believe there's a word for it....human error.  

You might be reading this and thinking to yourself this is easy for me to say.  I've never had a life altering mistake shift the course of my world.  I don't know what it's like to have things change at a moments notice because someone else fell short.  And this is where the power of story comes in handy.  Sometimes the very medicine that heals you, hurts you.  For every medical miracle, there is a risk.   My mother was saved by modern medicine.  The burns that covered her, caused her to need massive fluid infusions.  The very fluids that saved her, pinched her optic nerve in both eyes.  As she was made whole again, we learned her vision would be permanently damaged.  Could this have been prevented? Perhaps.  Should we have figured this out sooner? Likely.  Does this change anything?  No.  Is this a small price to pay, considering her injuries?  Absolutely. I won't lie, when I first heard about this, I was not happy.  I thought about calling the hospital that cared for her, and letting them know that I was RIGHT.  I had been on them for weeks that her vision was likely impaired.  I felt like no one would listen to me.  But as I thought about it longer, I took a step back from this scenario.  They were only doing their job, they were trying to save her life.  And in the process of that procedure, another part was impacted.  Too much swelling caused the optic nerves to pinch.  My mom is forever changed in many ways and her eye sight is part of that.  But does that make the hospital a bad place? Does it make their services lower quality?  Should I go out and tell everyone I know not to go there?  No, no, no.  

I believe the phrase is this: "Shit happens."  And it does. It happens all the time, and working through it, being understanding, and at times, helping others grow from mistakes is what it's really all about.