Am I Doing it Right?

I am scared to death I am going to screw up my kids.  There I said it.  Babies were the easy part (though it sure as heck didn't feel like it at the time).  Toddlers weren't too bad either.  But I am absolutely mortified that I am somehow going to not get all the right resources at all the right times to my young (and soon to be teenage) children.  Oh my goodness, it's a first world problem, I know this and still I worry.  Education worries me.  Cultural exposure worries me.  Am I challenging them enough?  Am I working with them enough? Is the fact that I have a very busy career pulling too much from their family structure? Do I have them in enough extra curricular activities?  Do I have them in too many?  Did I not give them enough variety of foods early in the life?  Is that why we struggle with one that is a picky eater, with a very limited pallet?  Oh yes, and I am sure that because I let them both co-sleep with me when they were babies, that I've likely ruined them as teenagers and young adults.  The list goes on forever and on constant replay.  And for the love of Pete tell me I'm not the only one.  Tell me I'm not crazy....or tell me that I am and maybe then I can find some peace of mind! 

I know every generation of parent says it, that their kids are growing up in different times.  And to an extent,  it's always true.  But I really feel like this current generation of school age children are growing up in very different times.  It's not just cell phones now. It's not just computers.  It's all the the things, all the technology, all the pressure of constant monitoring and, frankly, our push to shame any person that makes any poor choice, that makes me feel like its such a different time.  You didn't make bad choices when you were a kid?  Give me your number, we need to talk.  Because I made them.  But I was right on the cusp of the time when those choices weren’t broadcast through text messages and snaps.   It's a nightmare now.  Those choices don't just make it back to your mom, dad, friends or employer -- they STAY there.  The words and the images are there for everyone to read over and over.  I have a rule about how we should talk to people when we see something that isn't up to snuff.  We shouldn't email it. We should not criticize someone via email, text, social media comments, etc.  Why?  Not because something shouldn't be said, but because what we say, even with the intent of constructive criticism remains there for the intended recipient to read, over and over again, putting their own inflection and context around the comment made.  Children today will never know the luxury of not having a misstep haunt them forever.  Think about that, to have all your past misdoings on constant display, no matter how long ago they were, no matter how many consequences you paid...they never go away.  That's a special kind of pressure and kids know no other way.

And so enters the word of the day for me, maybe even the word of my life: GRACE. When you hear it you might think of God’s grace, and boy oh boy, we all need that too. But I’m talking about human grace. It’s hard for me to practice it. I want to be the judge of what’s right and what’s wrong. I want to hold people accountable for the rest of their lives for the wrong doings they commit. Trust me when I say it’s easy for me to hold a grudge. But I’m working on improving that. I can see the flaw in that thinking. I am not the judge, jury or executioner. I’m so glad my faith allows for that not to be a human burden. “Give it up to God” is a saying I hear often and for many years I was sure that meant my worries and afflictions. I am very sure it means your frustrations and desires to judge people too. It’s not our role to shun people. Certainly, by law, there are consequences for poor decisions made. But our GRACE in a situation allows the mistakes made to be forgiven and by having grace in a situation we move on. We don’t drudge up the past. We don’t keep the screen shots from the text or email. We don’t repost over and over and over again. We show grace.

Surely somewhere there is someone reading this, appalled that I would suggest certain actions are forgivable. I’d say this: we all work through forgiveness differently. The person wronged holds that power. Grace does not mean you’re a doormat. Grace does not mean you are weak. Grace does not mean you do no speak up when something is happening that is wrong. Grace does NOT mean we sit back and take it. But it does mean that we work together to help people see the error in their ways. That we work to learn from each other and that we push to help people learn from mistakes. Especially, and I say this with all the emphasis I can, especially our children.

I'm not going to sugar coat this one: I have no idea what I am doing.  Raising little humans is hard work, frightening work as I look up from the day to day march of school, chores, calving, career, winter show prep, baths, and supper.  I don't know the what the future holds for Memphis and Rory.  I don't know what the future holds for their friends and classmates.  But I do know I want to help make the world better and that even on my worst days, I'm still giving my best effort. I also know I don’t want to have to live without forgiveness and the pressures of perfection. I try to remember that a little bit a grace, especially in today’s world goes a very long way.